Within the last week, I have had a number of situations that made me extremely angry. So much so that I walked around with it streaming out of my pores, filling rooms with it’s heat. Nothing others said seemed to relieve this feeling. In fact, the angrier I became, the more it grew. As a therapist, I understand the meaning behind emotions and anger. Emotions are indicator systems, letting us know should I “go” “slow” or “stop.” At it’s core, anger is a feeling that occurs when our personal boundaries have been crossed, indicating a need for something to stop. Knowing all of this, was great, but it did not help me to move out of this uncomfortable and intense feeling. I felt trapped within the heated emotional landscape. I struggled within the cocoon of my own anger and frustration.
Today, I had three situations happen- professional, personal, professional. The entire week has been one long exercise in an emotional mine field, mostly due to feeling that my professional boundaries had been crossed and my home life had being affected. In any event, today I was pushed far enough into anger until I accepted it. I allowed myself to feel it and to let it course through my veins. I did not try to talk myself into or out of my anger. I let it BE. Then, suddenly, at the height of my anger I began to laugh. I asked as I was driving, “Seriously, life, seriously?” I laughed that the “hits kept coming” and they were so awful (and downright ridiculous) that I just had to accept them. The laughter was a form of acceptance. Me laughing stopped the struggle and resistance within myself. Then I saw that it was proof that I needed to change myself as I was the common denominator.
The Anger had become so uncomfortable that I was prompted to find another way of being. The benefit of growing means that old personas and ways of being can and will change. The discomfort of my life experience definitely showed me that I have outgrown some of my old ways of being. These aspects of my personality were birthed out of the fallacy of “unworthiness.” As I have begun to I am accept my worthiness some old parts of me must go “bye bye.”
I was gifted with the idea of being D.O.N.E. with a situation or relationship. This was inspired by my friend and colleague, Leo Johnson, II as we routinely have conversations about how Life works and reaching a new clarity within life for our own thriving. I reached a point today with the anger I finally said, “I’m done.” I took what we have talked about and put it into my own words. D- Does not work anymore. The situation simply does not suit me any more. There is something here that I am enacting that I’ve now outgrown. How do I know it does not work anymore? I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, confused or lonely. O-Opportunity for Healing. Did I take the opportunity to heal within this situation? Did I see where my soft and scared parts are? Did I recognize my role in this situation? N-New Vision. The next step is creating a new vision for my situation. What is it that I want to be, do or have? What is the new persona like that would help me to achieve within this situation? My Sky Echo Pencil family are experts in this arena. Leo Johnson, II wrote a book all about being new and gaining a new clarity in life, it is titled “Be New Now. The 7 Secrets to Having a Divine & Thriving Life.” he also has classes & a website you can learn more about here: http://www.skyechopencil.com. Finally, the last part of being D.O.N.E is E-Expect to Create. Expect then and act on the new persona that I have created. Creating means to bring something into existence. I decided to create and birth a new aspect of myself that reflects my understanding of myself as Being Love.
How did it look for me? In my anger, I complained. (Old persona) I made myself a victim. I am not a victim nor a survivor. I saw my situation as being “the same old/same old” You know, when you say to yourself, “Oh, this has happened to me before, that must mean it’s true.” Yet, that is not the truth. These thoughts do not work anymore. The past is gone. Done. I saw the opportunity to heal the thoughts about myself and some behaviors that were originating out of “lack and scarcity.” Thoughts like- “I’ll never be” “I can’t.” “I’m not.” “This isn’t fair” were running the show. I saw them clearly. Creating a new vision meant saying, I can create who I am NOW. New vision statements like “I thrive. I bring the light (clarity). I have won and been “alright” and “thrived” multiple times before.” (A dear friend, Isabella Blu, reminded me of that tonight within a fabulous online conversation.) “I get to choose who I am being with others.” “I am already who I have longed to be, I accept it.” The experience of creating looks like me accepting then acting. I take the guidance and the love being offered. I take the clarity. I am in a state of peace not in a state of resistance or denial. I am with myself, all of me…even the anger. That is the essence of acceptance. I accepted then the clarity rolled in to my experience. I dare to be D.O.N.E with situations that are not serving me. I dedicated time to writing and sharing. I dare to be New.
Ellen S. Wright, LMFT 