Letting go or choosing a new path can be scary af!
When you are choosing a new pattern or way of being, your “protective” and “conditioned” ego will challenge the new thoughts and behaviors. Our ego tries to keep us “unharmed” from the unknown. When the ego feels fear, sadness, pressure, or uncertainty, it believes we are being hurt and will spring into protective action.
When we only listen to the ego, we become our greatest critic and most unhelpful friend. It will trot out a myriad of critical beliefs that often seem “true” from the perspective of the past. “You must have been a fool.” “That will never work.” “It hasn’t happened yet, might as well give up.” “You have not succeeded with this in the past.” “What makes you think things will be different this time?” These are common thoughts that arise when the ego is afraid of new information…and they can get even more hurtful then what is listed here.
You ever wonder why the ego does this? Our ego’s become afraid that the new path will hurt us or not get us what we so deeply desire. Our ego does not want us to listen to our higher guidance or have faith. Listening to your higher or wiser self, frees you from an overreliance on the ego’s established history of information. If we allow the ego to run the show, it will prevent us from making any movement towards healing or doing something new, in service of being “safe.”
Ending an OLD cycle requires (LIVE and ACTIVE tips from Ellen)
1. Clarity as to why the old cycle was established in the first place. With this information you can keep reminding yourself not to beat up on yourself for past behavior. There was a reason, and until you knew better you could not do anything different.
2. Kindness and compassion for the pattern and why it was initially created. This is a place to really love yourself and treat yourself like a friend. You ask questions and try to understand. In my experience, the establishment of these patterns happen as a result of a core wound/traumas or a perception that one will lose love, they don’t DO something.
3. Understand that the old way no longer aligns and console self that a new way will be better. Remind yourself that you are choosing a new way and the PRESENT is all that matters. Each step is a CHOICE towards more alignment.
4. Acknowledge that your ego is afraid of the new way and will try to derail you with thoughts of how you “could or should” have corrected the past. Remember the ego uses information from the past to inform itself, but the past is complete. The past is done. Now it is time of choose actions that align to a new path. This step requires you to hold yourself when you cry or keep encouraging yourself that the new way will be okay. This may be a time to remind yourself, you know differently now. You were never wrong…so do not allow your inner critic to derail your self support.
5. Realize that the past decisions were not wrong, just not effective or rooted in authenticity. This is a tactic used to prevent you from being in the present by focusing on the past. Stay PRESENT and realize you were not wrong.
Sending you deep and enduring love. -El
Ellen S. Wright, LMFT 