Ellen S. Wright, LMFT

by Ellen S. Wright, October 8, 2022

On Magnetism

“If you build it, they will come.” – Field of Dreams

We all have unhelpful core beliefs that our limit our ability to launch to another level of awareness. This is natural, and normal as a human being.  We make meaning from our experiences and look to the past for direction. Eventually, one can get stuck in a routine or cycling through the same experiences. I realized that over time, I would get to a certain place with my deepest desires but not “breakthrough.” I’d almost realize a dream but not quite launched and rocketed me out of the atmosphere. Often people will look toward self-sabotage or fear of success. I have noticed that feelings of attractiveness or inherent allure also can launch or limit dreams.

It is important to note, that experiences are not a reliable indicator of the future. It only shows me what I created in the past. As a scientist and an analytical human being, I spent years examining and quietly defeating myself by making past experiences predictors of future events or thinking the world was actively against me.

My egoic mind is so strong that it will pull up examples of when I have not been magnetic or attracted what I wanted.  None of this old data is useful or helpful. If I believe that experience is a predictor of future events, then I limit what I am capable of being or becoming. It says what was, will always be. That is not what is going on here. So, what role does experience play?

The next questions became; “What does it mean to be magnetic?  Am I already magnetic? What can I do to be more magnetic and to trust, that what I build, will attract the right audience? I knew that if I could just understand where I was misaligned and within scarcity, I could free myself with new thinking and being. As I journey, I share my insights with you. This is what I gained from exploring and investing in being magnetic.

Being Magnetic-

What makes a person magnetic? When I asked my intuition and did some research, I found that there are eight (8) key traits, and they all have one common dominator. These many of these traits, curiously enough, are the same that underlie a resilient person, so we will come back to that in future chapter.

1. Authentic – Someone who is not afraid to be true to themselves, their values, and beliefs. People who are authentic are radically real, sincere, and genuine. Think about those moments that people were honest and you instantly felt you could be real too. People know when you are being true to you or when you are holding back or trying to fit into the crowd. Authentic people are real to themselves and with others. My favorite definition of authentic power was written by Gary Zukav he writes, “when the personality comes fully to serve the energy of its soul, that is authentic empowerment.” Meaning, we are doing things from our soul, not from our unexamined beliefs. (To learn more about being authentic, which is the most significant of all qualities, please see chapter Unpacking Your Authenticity.)
2. Confidence fueled by competence. Knowing oneself as capable and that nothing is too difficult to handle is the essence of confidence. It is also knowing what you are good at (skills and talents) but it is also about belief in future abilities. Knowing that you can grow, learn, and expand. Confidence shows up in how we present ourselves to the world and it is an inner light of knowing. The opposite of confidence is uncertainty or doubt. Having confidence in this society can be challenging because there are so many opposing voices and differing opinions, there are many places we can doubt ourselves. As I have discussed previously, comparison is a thief of joy and if you are not grounded within, you can uncut your own confidence.    
3. Active and present listener.  You are naturally magnetic when you make space for others. Being an active and present listener is important. Everyone wants to be seen and heard, and by creating a space for that, people feel good. Being an active listener means that you engage with, reflect statements and are curious about the other person. Being present is also essential because it demonstrates that you are making current space for that person and with them in the moment. You know when someone is engaged and listening to you, that they understand and care about what you are saying.
4. Uplifter/Inspirational- Along with being a good listener, being an uplifter is about the energy you bring to interactions. This could be what you are being/modeling or how you are interacting with others.  If when you engage with another person and the content is always negative, that is generally not inspiring. Those who always have a reason for something not working, for finding fault or for ignoring possibility, they are giving us examples of non-uplifting behaviors. This does not mean one needs to be a seamless ball of positive optimistic energy, because that can be distracting and inauthentic.  It does mean the goal is to offer energy from a space of curiosity, openness, opportunity, and hope. One who is magnetic, will inspire others to be more of themselves and to see what is possible instead of probable.  
5. Validating & supportive- Being a validating and supportive person, takes uplifting and inspiration to another level. I see these characteristics as actions of care. When you can make space to actively listen, understand, and be supportive it is highly magnetic!  To validate and support is to include and make a space for and the opposite to reject, disapprove or neglect do not feel good to people. We gravitate towards those who create emotional, physical, and mental space for us.
6. Accepting- One of my core principles for being love, is acceptance. Acceptance is a sweeter gift than I could have ever dreamed before writing this book. Acceptance is our ability to remain present and to not resist, push, avoid, or change what we are experiencing. Acceptance is seeing that everything that is happening is enough as it is, without needing to change. Acceptance also includes being patient. In a world, that encourages and pushes us to “be better” or “do more,” acceptance feels like being passive. This is the mental chatter of negative self-talk. There is nothing to fix. When you are around accepting individuals, you know that there is room for mis-takes, mis-steps and not knowing as well as room for knowing, success and contentment. Acceptance is foundational and people know when they are not accepted. Unfortunately, many people shift and change themselves when they don’t feel accepted, which feels uncomfortable. Acceptance is like a warm comforting sensation that calms and is expansive. People who accept themselves, can create space for accepting others.  
7. Imaginative – Creative energy is fast moving and joyful energy. Having an imagination allows for many possibilities, flexibility, and curiosity. We often think of magnetic people as those who can “think out of the box” or see a situation completely differently. This way of being in the world does not apply to a profession or a task, it is how you view the world and sense of possibility.
8. Fun/Sense of Humor- Our last magnetic quality is being fun! Laughter is the language of the soul.  No matter where you go on earth, people who can have fun and demonstrate a sense of humor uplift all of us.  If you can show that you can laugh about situations, circumstances, and yourself, you will be ahead of the game. Being magnetic has a certain quality of lightness and abundance behind it, that is contagious. To laugh, even when challenged, is to know the ultimate truth, “none of us are getting out life alive” and thusly, there is nothing to resist.  

The common denominator for each of the traits is once again, abundance.  I realize that scarcity consciousness, shame and unworthiness are not present in any of the traits. We can never manage or repress our way into magnetism. We lose magnetism when we doubt, compare, hoard space, try to fit in, inflexible, fixed, assume, or try to steal the spotlight. We become magnetism when we come from a space of realizing our own beautiful being. So, the final question- Are you choosing to minimize your amazing self or accept your existing abundance? I hope you choose to magnify your magnetism for it is the essence of who you truly are!  

Loving you,

Ellen