“Every Part of Us Wants to Be Loved” — How IFS Helps Us Come Home to Ourselves by Ellen S. wright
In The Color Purple, Alice Walker wrote,
“I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.” And perhaps even more tenderly: “All we ever really want is to be loved—like we are.”
Here is the clip from The Color Purple (1985) Clip courtesy of Warner Bros.
Shug and Cellie walk through a field of purple flowers.
“All we ever really want is to be loved—like we are.” —Alice Walker, The Color Purple (1985)
That single line holds the spirit of the work I offer: the understanding that every part of us—no matter how reactive, quiet, fearful, or fierce—is longing to be seen and loved. In therapy, we create space for those parts to come forward and be met with compassion, curiosity, and care.
I’ve found that people are inherently capable of understanding and healing themselves when given the right tools, support, and space. My role isn’t to fix you—but to walk alongside you, holding space for your internal system to speak and unfold in its own time. I feel deeply honored to do this work and strive to stay in my own Self—grounded in the 8 C’s of IFS: calm, clarity, compassion, curiosity, courage, confidence, creativity, and connectedness. That’s how I show up—with heart, presence, and trust in your inner wisdom.
This is the heart of Internal Family Systems (IFS), a deeply respectful and evidence-based therapy model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s.
🌀 What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
IFS is based on the idea that the mind is made up of multiple “parts,” each with its own voice, role, and intention. These inner parts function much like a family—sometimes cooperative, sometimes in conflict—but all striving to help you survive, succeed, and feel safe.
Dr. Richard Schwartz, a family therapist, noticed that even his most insightful clients would say things like, “Part of me wants to change, but another part is terrified.” He listened more closely and realized: these parts aren’t metaphor—they’re real and dynamic aspects of our internal system.
In IFS, we typically work with three types of parts:
Managers: Try to keep things under control and prevent pain (e.g., the perfectionist, the people-pleaser).
Firefighters: React when pain breaks through—often with impulsive or numbing behaviors (e.g., emotional eating, rage, withdrawal).
Exiles: The most vulnerable parts—often carrying old wounds, fear, shame, or grief.
At the core of all of us is the Self—a wise, calm, and compassionate presence that can lead our internal system toward healing.
🤝 How EMDR, Somatic Therapy, and Nature Support IFS Work
I combine IFS with complementary modalities that help deepen and ground the healing process:
✧ EMDR Therapy
EMDR helps release stuck traumatic memories that Exiles often carry. It pairs beautifully with IFS because it allows healing while staying connected to your protective system.
✧ Somatic Therapy
Many parts express themselves through the body—tightness in the chest, tension in the jaw, a lump in the throat. Somatic work helps you listen to these signals with curiosity rather than fear.
✧ Nature-Based Therapy
Nature softens defenses and awakens Self energy. Whether walking in the woods or sitting under the sky, many people find parts begin to settle, open, and feel held by something larger than themselves.
🌱 Coming Home to Yourself
IFS isn’t about fixing you. It’s about helping you come home to your whole self—with grace, with tenderness, and with deep respect for all you’ve been through. Like Alice Walker reminds us, even the parts that feel unlovable are longing to be noticed, embraced, and accepted. – With Love, Ellen
Ellen S. Wright, LMFT 