Pathfinder
path-fahyn-der, pahth‐
noun
a person who finds or makes a path, way, route, etc., especially through a previously unexplored or untraveled wilderness.
When I was 19, I was hired by the United States Forest Service to be a stream surveyor. I lived in a cabin with no running water in the middle of the woods with my 18-year-old roommate. Each day we got into our Jeep Cherokee and headed out with our compasses, topographic maps and measuring equipment. Our job was to walk streams and measure the length, depth, width, and stream type for miles of stream. The amazing thing is that each of the streams we went to were streams not off hiking trails or in convenient parks. They were in the deep woods. We were true pathfinders…in high grass trying to find low streams. Pioneers in an unknown landscape.
I started out the summer, afraid of everything. I worried about the potential timber rattlesnakes, copperheads, black bears, and spiders that were surely around us everywhere. I was afraid of the unknown. I saw all the potential dangers and they slowed me. My younger, roommate, charged ahead…desperately unaware of the potential danger. She came from the city and had almost no experience, she was a true beginner and demonstrated the freedom if just going for it. She moved fast through the terrain and was amazingly cheerful along the way. I deduced, from her reaction to our job and our living conditions, that she must be some kind of crazy. We had an outhouse, and the closest shower was 35 miles away. She would skip down the path towards the outhouse like it was just down the hall- come rain, shine or dark of night. I was not nearly that comfortable. Yet, I challenged myself to face dark each day to get to that unlit dank spider heaven. I practiced being aware but not timid, a commitment to my growth. And I used courage, which has always been one of my sharpest personal tools to keep experiencing. Within the first week, I made a decision to go forward and embrace being a pathfinder and a beginner, like my roommate.
By the end of the summer, I was a champion of the woods. I had grown in ways I never knew was possible. I knew the woods and I was confident in my stride. I was excited by the discoveries we made. I was enraptured by the beauty of what we saw on a daily basis. I mapped streams that had never been detailed on paper. We even found a forested wetland, which was a rare adventure all to itself. Our supervisor was shocked and surprised at our discovery. No one in his department had ever been to this remote location and we were the first to explore it in our field. That summer, I learned to go to new places, without fear but with confidence. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had accomplished real personal growth. It was then, that I knew, that my course in life could and would be determined only by me.
Since my time in southwestern Virginia, I’ve gone through major life changes, upheavals and losses. With each new shift, I have experienced the same fear, the same trepidation going into the unknown. I gained appreciation for being a beginner and now deeply trust that I will gain the confidence through experience. Two of most valuable qualities I bring to each new experience are my courage and my commitment to expansion/growth. The scenery changes and the path will always contain challenges. But those two qualities allow me to decide to continue. Believe me- failed actions, realizations of my weak areas, plans falling through and others’ negative opinions about me and my actions have been present. Yet, now I see each of these as gifts as they allowed me to see what more I can create or how I can modify my path.
So, I’m a pathfinder… I’m still that 19-year-old in the woods and finding the streams that flow through the stunning landscapes. I’m still committed to being a creator and creating my life in the way that I deeply desire. I’m committed to embracing discomfort as it comes. I have decided to follow the direction of my dreams rather than the direction of my fears. I’m celebrating all the gifts along the path. It’s an amazing journey and I’m so glad I’m walking. Are you a pathfinder?
Happy Journeying… Ellen
Ellen S. Wright, LMFT 